Beware of the Office Lady

28 Sep

Nap time for the office lady. Naughty, naughty. Giggle, giggle.

If you work in corporate America, then you’re familiar with the office lady. An office lady is a different breed of person that no one who works outside of our country’s office buildings can understand, or actually believe exists. They’re weird, annoying, and they dress funny, but like it or not, the office lady appears to be here to stay.

The main characteristics of an office lady:

1.)    She wears tennis shoes with her dress clothes anytime she leaves the building.

Comfort is key to the office lady.

2.)    She believes that dieting is “very hard,” and although she’s been on one the entire time you’ve known her, you think she may have actually gained weight.

3.)    She takes daily afternoon trips with at least one other office lady to a bakery near your building, where they buy a “naughty treat” and then giggle about it. Yes, cupcakes are h-i-l-a-r-i-o-u-s. She also has no idea why her diet isn’t working…

Every office lady loves cake.

4.)    She’s always “very busy” although no one actually knows what it is that she does, besides loudly scheduling gynecologist appointments from her cubicle and keeping daily half-hour long phone dates with her sister.

5.)    She’s always peddling candles, makeup, and other gadgets from the catalogues of the many pyramid schemes that she works for. She persists on inviting you to her house at least one Saturday night a month for these sales parties, attempting to bait you with the guarantee that her famous lard dip and 16 layer cake will also be in attendance. You’ve never said yes, but she doesn’t seem to notice.

6.)    She doesn’t have friends, she has “girl friends.”

7.)    You no longer need a calendar to keep track of the date, as her outfits revolve around all of the upcoming holidays. There’s Halloween vests, Christmas sweaters, 4th of July earrings — you name it, she’s worn it.

8.)    She spends at least one half-hour at your desk each day telling you about her latest medical ailments, her children’s teachers, and her thoughts on the latest celebrity gossip. She doesn’t seem to notice that you have your back turned away from her and are not actually responding to her questions.

9.)    She appears at your desk at lunchtime everyday to talk about what you’re eating for lunch.

10.) She gets really excited when management allows you to wear jeans on Fridays. This is the highlight of her week. Top this off with a donut and she won’t even notice if she doesn’t get a raise next year.

Check out the Pittsburgh Morning Freak Show‘s Mikey & Big Bob in “Cake in the Break Room,” featuring I-Justine


One Response to “Beware of the Office Lady”

  1. M. Phyllis Jerpi September 28, 2011 at 5:24 pm #

    You are so funny!

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