Gym Etiquette on Cardio Machines

8 Feb

It’s no secret that I love the gym. And I have to admit that most of my love is dedicated to the cardio machines, as this is where I spend the bulk of my time. One would tend to assume that working out on cardio machines would be a relatively uneventful experience, but oddly this is often far from the case. We all know that people can be dirty animals, and the cardio machines at the gym are the perfect example of this.

Violations of Proper Gym Etiquette in the Cardio Area (I swear, I’ve witnessed all of this):

  • Leaving Weirdo Things on the Cardio Machines: It’s proper gym etiquette, and seemingly common sense, to take your belongings with you when you get off the cardio machines. Especially if you have brought a dish towel to the gym. I won’t even begin to understand why there was a dish towel on a treadmill at my gym last week, but I promise, it actually happened. Note to whoever knows this person, never agree to attend a dinner party at their house.
  • The Sweat Sprinkler: One of my favorite cardio machines is the giant stairstepper, where the steps are the size of those on an actual staircase. As you can imagine, one gets pretty sweaty after spending awhile on this beast. Recently I was stepping next to a very large, giant, middle-aged man. After a while, I realized his stairstepper was completely drenched in sweat, and he was also starting to spray it on the front of mine! Eww, eww, eww, sick! Thank goodness he didn’t actually sweat on me, or I would not have been responsible for my actions. If you know you’re prone to becoming a sweat hog, proper gym etiquette states that you bring a towel on the machine with you. Unless it’s a dish towel…
  • Talking on the Phone: When I’m working out, I want to listen to my mp3 player, not your phone conversation. If you’re able to chat on the phone while simultaneously working out on a cardio exercise machine, you’re obviously not trying hard enough. Shut up and step it up!
  • Singing: The fact that I even have to mention that singing in the middle of the gym is not okay amazes me. I haven’t experienced many American Idol wannabees belting it out on the cardio machines at the gym, but this has happened to me more than once. If you were any good at singing, you wouldn’t have to do it in the middle of the gym to have an audience. So shut up, before someone makes you. 
  • Smelling Like a Dumpster: If you’re a stinky person, you’re obviously aware of the fact that you have a natural tendency to smell like the toilet in a petting zoo. Perhaps this is biological and you can’t help it. That’s fine and dandy, but you need to take a shower before getting on the cardio machines, where you’re inevitably going to sweat, causing you to smell even worse. Last week I was working it on the elliptical and the guy next to me smelled like a gym sock that got lost in the sewer. It was so bad I almost had to surrender my elliptical to the next person, and retreat to end of the new year’s resolutioner generated line. Stinking like that is very bad gym etiquette.
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