Welcome Back to the Gym New Year’s Resolutioners… Or Not

21 Jan

For those of us who actually go to the gym on a year-round basis, we have officially entered the most dreaded time of the year — New Year’s Resolutioner Season. This is time of year when everyone on the planet magically decides to start following a healthy diet and get a gym membership. And then gives up on it two weeks later…

During the last few weeks of December, all is well, your gym is at normal capacity, and you’re in and out in no time. Then January 2nd rolls around and magically you’re standing in lines equivalent to those at Disneyworld to get a chance to run on your gym’s half broken treadmill.

Raise your cyber hand if you’ve stepped into your gym locker room this week (and the past two) only to find a large older nude woman flopping around. Yuck. Yes, it’s a locker room, but no it’s not a nude ranch. You won’t see too many seasoned gym members parading around like they’re the star of a live porno.

There's signs like this all over the cardio area of my  gym now, due to "overpopulation."

There’s signs like this all over the cardio area of my gym now, due to “overpopulation.”

Why Regular Gym-Goers Should Get Priority

It seems unfair to me that there isn’t there some type of VIP line for us dedicated “regulars” who’ve spend the last 365 days putting in our time to zoom up to the front of the line? This is why I think our gym membership should be upgraded during this time of year:

  • We were there first.
  • We will still be customers in March.
  • We know what we’re doing, so we don’t get the treadmill stuck in “emergency mode.” (Yes, before I could use a treadmill a couple weeks ago, I had to get it out of that mode, which I previously did not know existed).

Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s great when people decide to get a gym membership and start following a healthy diet. For those of you who made one of your New Year’s Resolutions to get healthy this year, I applaud you. Now stick with it! If you’re still using your gym membership and eating salads in June, you have officially worked off your stereotypical title of “New Year’s Resolutioner.”

For those of you who are already planning your exit strategy from your new healthy lifestyle — shame on you! If you’re seriously giving up this easy though, do it now, as it’s really cramping my style to have to wait 15 minutes to get on the half broken treadmill.


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