Tag Archives: wedding

Shingles, Infected Jogging Wounds, & the Bride

19 Nov

On the day of her bridal shower, every bride wants to wear a cute dress, happily greet her guests, then daintily open gifts from her wedding registry -while simultaneously pretending like she didn’t already know what was inside in every box. Now, where is the part in that pretty picture that the bride gets to greet every open-armed guest with a “Hold up. Have you had chicken pox? Yes. Great, I’ve got shingles but I can’t give it to you, so you can give me a hug.” Or, “No? Well I’ll just wave at you then to be cautious, because I have shingles.”

Yep, that’s right, I was Frankenbride for my wedding shower. I went to the doctor the day before as my battle wounds from my jogging accident two weeks before still hadn’t healed and I had developed a sweet rash on my back. It took the doc two seconds to diagnose me with an allergic reaction to Neosporin, (which I had been loyally bathing my wounds in for two weeks, and later was informed by mom my that I knew of this allergy… oops), a bacteria infection gracing my arm gash, and a beautiful cash of shingles on my back. All I can say is YUM! Even the doctors couldn’t contain their laughter at the timing of the number of gross things I had going on with my skin the day before my bridal shower…

Shingles and bacteria infected wounds couldn’t keep me from getting down with some Crate & Barrel dishes.

Thankfully I was able to cover all these gorgeous injuries with a cute little lacy sleeved dress and tights, but the main issue here is that YOU CAN’T WORKOUT WHEN YOU HAVE SHINGLES!! Omg, total crisis when your wedding is less than two months away and you’re a weight conscious freak like I am.

So began my eight days without the gym.

Although I definitely had it easier than 99% of the people who come down with shingles, the first few days of my rash totally sucked. Even exercising-loving wackadoodle me couldn’t focus on wanting to work out. By day four or so though, I became obsessed with whining about my lack of workout woes. Then my fiance (probably very tired of listening to this after about the tenth time) came up with the completely brilliant idea that maybe I could do Pilates videos at home.

So I tested out a couple of my favorite Blogilates leg and arm videos and thankfully my lovely rash was alright with it, so I was able to do a few of them each night. Sure, doing Pilates videos in front of the mirrored closet doors in my bedroom isn’t the same thing as a trip to the gym, but it definitely made me feel a lot better about my unwanted gym hiatus.

Losing Weight Without Working Out

For the most part, I always try to eat super healthy, although I strongly feel that working out most days of the week gives me a good bit of leeway to not have to go crazy and count calories. However, during my week of not being able to go to the gym, I had to get a little harder on myself.

I forced myself to get on the scale a few times during the week to make sure I wasn’t blimping up, and was shocked to see that I actually lost like 1.5 pounds! Although this was somewhat puzzling, it was also fantastic news! On the other hand, I was hungry all week. Very, very hungry.

Thankfully after eight days away from my friend the gym, I was able to make my triumphant return and go back to eating everything I want (yes, I typically have a genuine desire for super healthy food, but that’s beside the point), and was no longer a hungry little girl.

Tips for Staying Fit While Wedding Planning

17 Sep
My fiancee proposed in style at the Waldorf Astoria Chicago.

My fiancee proposed in style at the Waldorf Astoria Chicago.

A few weeks ago my long-time boyfriend proposed to me while we were on a Labor Day weekend getaway to Chicago. Yay! Of course, being the crazed lunatic that I am, my wedding planning began months ago. So when we announced to our family and friends that we’re having a winter wedding, as in this coming winter, I found this completely normal, while the general reaction is (insert gaping jaw), you mean you’re getting married in four months?!?!

Getting engaged is really fun!  My friends and family have been taking us out for lunch, dinner, drinks — you name it to congratulate us and discuss our (very) upcoming wedding plans. Who wouldn’t love that?! I can tell you who doesn’t love that, my pants. Though I consider myself a connoisseur of eating healthy, it’s difficult to focus on that when I’m having so much fun celebrating.

It’s okay to toast to wedding planning fun, encouraged actually, just don’t do it everyday.

I’m learning quickly that wedding planning can turn into a giant fat fest, if I don’t keep myself in check. This is kind of ironic given that your wedding is probably the most important event of your life to be in shape for… Seriously though, my wedding planning activities during the next week involve a tasting for the reception, backed up by another tasting for wedding cupcakes. It’s like being in a movie and having a skinny little angel whisper in one ear, “Watch it fatty, you have a wedding dress to fit into in less than four months,” and a fat little devil whispering sweet nothings in the other ear to the tune of, “Eat, eat, eat!!”

Tips for Staying Fit While Wedding Planning

Wedding planning is fun! You should let yourself enjoy all the things that go along with it — including the fatty parts like tastings for wedding cupcakes and reception dinners, parties celebrating YOU AND YOUR FIANCE, wedding shower cake, and etc. Eating healthy and exercising hard between your high-calorie wedding activities will provide you with the balance needed to enjoy wedding planning and look super hot on your wedding day. Follow these ideas to help you stay on track:

  • Opt for Healthy Food: Sometimes eating healthy isn’t possible. For example, next week we have a tasting for our wedding cupcakes and as I much as I wish this was possible, there’s no way I can mentally will those delightful little nuggets to have the nutritional value of a strawberry. Oh well. As long as you continue eating healthy the majority of the time, a few slips off the wedding diet wagon won’t plump up your waistline.
  • Make Exercise a Priority: I hate waking up early on weekday mornings to workout, so I typically don’t even try to make myself. However, with wedding planning duties and whatnot, my evenings have been booking up like crazy, often leaving no time for a post-workday date with the gym. Therefore I’m tapping into my deepest source of willpower and forcing myself to schlep out of bed at 5:30am, all for the good of not looking like the Pillsbury Doughboy at my upcoming winter wedding.
  • Get Your Wedding Dress Early. In the true spirit of being a lunatic, it took me about four days from getting engaged to having my wedding dress shipped to my house. No official comment here, but I may have chosen this delightful little number months ago. As unusual as this method may be, knowing that my beautiful wedding dress already hanging at my parents’ house is a great motivator to not get fat, and have to trade my delightful frock in for a white moo moo.

To Choose a Themed Wedding or Not to Choose a Themed Wedding?

2 Sep

Choose a theme for your wedding with caution.

Your wedding day is one of the best chances of your life to prove that you can throw a better party than all of your friends and family members. Don’t blow this golden opportunity by choosing a stupid wedding theme.

Themed weddings are not necessarily a bad idea. A theme can help you to pull all of the little details together and make everything flow. Your theme can be something as broad and simple as basing everything around a few colors, or more complex such centering it around a holiday, location, culture or time period. Regardless of the theme you choose, it’s important to ensure that your guests understand it without it requiring an explanation. If you’re going to have a theme, then go all out with it so it makes sense.

It’s also important to avoid choosing a tacky theme. No one wants to have guests remember their big day as the tackiest wedding that they ever attended. If your wedding theme could easily moonlight as a theme for a child’s birthday party, this is a sign that you’ve chosen a stupid one.

Classy Ideas for Themed Weddings:

  • Beach
  • Garden
  • Monochromatic, base everything around different shades of one color.
  • Highlight a culture (Ex. have a Mexican themed wedding).
  • Centered around the season that the wedding is being held.
  • Fantasy, think royal wedding.

Terrible Ideas for Themed Weddings:

  • Basing the wedding around a movie, television series, or a band
  • Sports Teams
  • Gypsy
  • Camouflage
  • Red Neck
  • Amusement Park

Click here learn more about awful themed weddings that must be avoided.

Stupid Wedding Traditions

23 Aug

Some wedding traditions are great, while others are just plain stupid. You want to make your big day memorable, but you also don’t want
your guest to cringe when remembering your wedding. Traditions are important, but think twice before deciding which ones to incorporate into your nuptials.

Get rid of stupid wedding traditions and make your big day fun for everyone.

Avoid These Ridiculous Wedding Traditions:

Receiving line:  There are very few people who enjoy the receiving line. In fact most people will look for an alternate exit to avoid getting caught in the receiving line trap. This is just as awkward for the wedding party, as no one wants to shake all of the dirty hands of your guests, hug people they’ve never met, and be forced to make weird small talk with strangers.

Head table: The vast majority of adults bring a date with them when they’re invited to a wedding. If you’re in the wedding party, it’s understood that you will not be sitting with your date during the ceremony. It’s also understood that as a member of the wedding party, you’re going to have to attend to certain duties during the wedding reception. That’s fine. But one thing that is just plain stupid and outdated is having a wedding-party-only head table. There’s a good chance the wedding party’s dates don’t know anyone else at the wedding, but yet they’re forced to sit through half the wedding reception on their own.

The traditional mile-long head table, positioned to face the room is a terrible idea. First of all, this allows you to only be able to talk to the people sitting directly on your left and right sides. Secondly, everyone at the wedding reception is watching you eat! You supposedly like the people in your wedding party, so why would you do this to them? Simply have a few different tables for the wedding party and their dates. Treat them like wedding guests, not caged zoo animals.

Matching bridesmaid dresses: Most people consider being a bridesmaid to be an honor; one that comes with a heavy financial burden. You like your bridesmaids, you like your wedding, so why not make sure that your bridesmaids like your wedding too? Your friends are probably different shapes and sizes, and have different budgets. It’s unreasonable to try to find one dress that all your bridesmaids are comfortable wearing and can afford. Since your bridesmaids are your closest friends and family members, trust them a little. Give them a dress length, a designated
color, then let them find a dress that they actually like and can afford. Remember, no one likes bridezilla.

Small children: Young flower girls and ring bearers are undeniably cute. If you have a young child that you want to put in your wedding, do it by all means. Let the 2 year old flower girl walk down the aisle, and then have a designated adult babysit her outside of the ceremony. Kids younger than kindergarten age are unpredictable. You can’t really explain to them that they need to be speechless during the wedding ceremony, because they’re not going to understand. There is nothing more rude and disruptive to the bride and groom than having kids screaming and running wild during their wedding ceremony. The bride and groom should be the center of attention, not the screaming brat in row 10.

Having this wedding garter slid up her leg by some drunk groomsman is every unmarried girl's worst nightmare.

Bouquet toss: When single people attend a wedding, they’re more aware than ever that they are unmarried. Whether they’ve arrived stag, or with a significant other, they know that no one wants to marry them. So when they’re herded together for the “lucky” chance of catching the bride’s bouquet or garter (from the groom), this is not a fun activity for them. Making the single people at the wedding reception stand in front of everyone and fight over a bouquet or a garter like a bunch of pathetic chickens is just another way for married people to mock them. As if that’s not bad enough, the “lucky” girl who catches the bouquet gets to have some sweaty pervert grope her, while running a garter up her leg, and the entire room watches and chants him on. This would be illegal at any place other than a wedding.

Dollar dance: Many of your guests have traveled from out-of-town to attend your wedding. They’ve spent a lot of money buying you nice wedding gifts, shower gifts, engagement party gifts and so on. Now it’s time for your wedding reception, and you’re going to charge them to dance with you. Really?! Not only is this super tacky, but it can also put you in an awkward situation. Remember your great-uncle Tom, who loves to give you super long hugs and still tries to spank you at age 30? Well he’ll definitely pay a dollar for the chance to give you a wedding day grope, and he’ll certainly want to get his money’s worth. Ponder these ideas before you insist upon having a dollar dance.

Bridal Showers are Boring – Give Yours a Makeover

12 Aug

You better hope for spiked punch if you want to have fun at a bridal shower.

I don’t know many people who don’t dread going to bridal showers. Even most of my married friends found their own bridal shower to be a bit dull and uncomfortable. The reason for this is that while the rest of the world has evolved since the 1950’s, for some reason bridal showers have not.

In another lifetime I don’t doubt that women did enjoy getting dressed up, exchanging recipes, playing stupid games, and winning prizes such as dish towels and potpourri. However, that era has past. It’s now up to us to give bridal showers a much needed makeover.

Bridal Shower Themes

Deciding on a bridal shower theme allows you to neatly pull all of the million other little details together. For example, if your theme is candy, such as with Ralph Lauren’s daughter Dylan’s bridal shower, you can give guest ring pops as favors, use bowls filled with candy as centerpieces, and serve candy inspired cocktails.

Bridal shower themes allow you make the decorations, activities and food flow together into a classy event, instead of a hot mess.

Get Rid of the Bridal Shower Games

No one likes bridal shower games. They’re stupid, cheesy, and usually result in a good half hour of your life that you’ll never get back. Instead of a failed attempt to entertain your guests with dumb games, create an activity that’s actually fun and cute.

Every bridal shower budget is different, and that’s okay. You can come up with a pricey winning activity if this is a big budget affair,but it’s also easy to find some good, cheap entertainment.

Bridal Shower Activity Ideas:

  • Cupcake decorating contest. Have each guest decorate a cupcake or a cookie with an assortment of toppings. Make the bride be the judge. Give the creator of her top choice(s) a box of chocolate or a bottle of wine.
  • Cocktail Seminar. Hire a bartender, or bribe a friend that makes good drinks, to give the ladies a couple of cocktail making lessons.
    Allow everyone to have a sample of each creation, a small one of course. No one wants to see Aunt Sally getting sloppy.
  • Spa Day. If you have a big budget and can afford to host the bridal shower at an actual spa, then absolutely do so. Otherwise, hire a
    couple of manicurists from a local beauty school (cheap labor) to come and do the guests’ nails. Instead of spending money on a ton of favors and prizes that guests will never use, give them the gift of great nails.
  • Cooking Demonstration. Hire a chef, culinary student; someone that knows their way around the kitchen — whatever fits your budget, to show the ladies how to cook some kind of fabulous dish. Unless you plan to rent out a restaurant kitchen, your guests will just be watching and not participating, but regardless they can still learn a few points by observation.
  • Invite the Men. There’s no reason why men can’t accompany women to bridal showers. After all, the groom benefits from the gifts
    given to the couple just as much as the bride does. Turn the bridal shower into a low-key cookout, and let the groom help open some of those gifts!
  • No Activity. Whether you’re trying to keep the shower short and sweet, or have a really tight budget, it’s more than okay to just have
    no activity. This has to be better than bridal bingo.

Bridal Shower Food Ideas:

If you’re holding the bridal shower at a restaurant, then you have it made. Your guests will be served a lovely lunch that you don’t have to prepare, serve, or clean up after. While this is ideal, it is not necessarily an affordable option for most people.

Otherwise, consider not holding your bridal shower during lunchtime for these reasons:

  • Makes the bridal shower drag on, and on and on…
  • Unnecessary added expense. No one expects you to serve them a full meal at a bridal shower. Save that money and put it towards giving guests a nice dinner at the reception.
  • Lots of extra work. Preparing a full meal, serving it, cleaning it up take a lot of work. Save yourself the effort and just serve appetizers or desserts.
  • Lack of quality. If you’re trying to prepare an affordable meal for a moderately large bridal shower guest list, you’re probably going to have to cut corners to make it affordable. Why make the event less classy when you don’t have to?

“When Are you Getting Married?” – Combat the Awkward Question that Nosy People Love to Ask

28 Jul

When you hit a certain age, whether you’re in a relationship or not, people become obsessed with marrying you off. You may have solved world peace, won a Grammy, or have recently been promoted to become the youngest VP in your company’s history, but to some people these accomplishments don’t matter, because the fact that you’re not married is the only thing that does matter.

This is what a person's hand looks like when they don't want to discuss when they're getting married.

One of the most awkward, and just plain maddening questions that nosy people love to ask is ‘when are you getting married?’ Or, the equally invasive — ‘do you think you’ll be getting engaged soon?’ Try as I might, I cannot even begin to understand what possess people to think it’s okay to ask these questions.  As if it’s not bad enough to endure the third degree from these people alone, it’s even more fun when your significant other is standing right beside you.

Unless the person brings it up themselves, it is never okay to ask someone this. You may the person’s parent, sister, friend, great aunt, or my favorite — a complete stranger that they just met, but if you pester them with these questions they will start avoiding you. Why you might ask? Because you’re being annoying, and making them feel awkward and uncomfortable.

If you find yourself in an uncomfortable situation with nosy people throwing the ‘when are you getting married?’ or ‘do you think you’ll be getting engaged soon?’ question at you, it’s okay to be rude to them. They deserve it. If you opt to go for a more tactful approach, here’s some ideas to shut them up:

  • Tell them you’re already married and you didn’t invite them to the wedding.
  • Bust out with a nice “we hate each other.”
  • Claim to be gay, or trying to explore your sexuality.
  • Answer the question with a question. For example a nice comeback would be, “When are you going to lose 20 lbs?”
  • Explain that you’re waiting for your divorce to be finalized (only use this if the person knows that you’ve never been married).

Moral of the story: Do not ask someone when they’re getting engaged, unless you spot a man toting around an engagement ring. And unless you know that someone is already engaged, hence actually wearing an engagement ring on her finger, do not ask when she is getting married.

You Can Run, But You Can’t Hide From Inappropriate Questions About Your Love Life

6 Jul

Your love life is full of awkward moments, and whether or not you actually have a love life at the moment is irrelevant. The most awkward
moments in your relationship (or lack thereof) are rarely caused by you or your significant other. Socially retarded people are everywhere, and they love to ask inappropriate questions. These morons are constantly on the prowl, waiting for the right moment to swoop in and pepper you with insanely inappropriate questions about your love life.

If you don't have anything normal to say, then shut the he*l up.

Inappropriate Questions When You’re Single:

Question: Why aren’t you dating anyone?

Often asked by:  Any annoying person you come in contact with.

If you’d like to know someone’s relationship status, ask them. If they say they’re single, the appropriate response is not, “why aren’t you dating anyone?” If the person voluntarily offers up this information to you, then fine. If not, they are refraining from sharing this information with you because it is none of your business.  What kind of response do you actually want from this person? Do you want them to say “I’m single because
I’m ugly, too needy, or I’m trying to work up the courage to come out of the closet?” Believe me, whether or not they are content with their relationship status, single people are aware that they are single. They don’t need you to remind them, and then try to make them think that something is wrong with them just because they aren’t currently dating anyone.

Inappropriate Questions When You’re Dating Someone:

Question: Are you two in love?

Often asked by:  children and obnoxious adults

If you want to create one of the most awkward moments you’ll ever experience, go ahead and ask a new couple if they’re in love. Hopefully you’ll enjoy yourself on this one, because they’ll probably do their best to avoid contact with you for the rest of eternity. Weirdo. Same goes for children
asking this question. Normal kids don’t care about things like this, and certainly have enough tact to know this is something you do not ask grown ups. If you hear your child ask this question, be proud of yourself, you’re raising a little weirdo.

Question: When are you going to get married?

Often asked by: family members, annoying co-workers, bored  housewives

Step one, is the woman wearing an engagement ring? If so, proceed with your question. If not, shut the he*l up. Why do people think it’s
okay to ask a couple who is not engaged when they’re getting married? What kind of answer are you expecting? Do you want to hear “he has commitment issues, she’s having an affair with her ex, etc?” Believe it or not, both of these people are aware that they are not engaged. Your stupid comment will not make him propose, but it probably will make both of them hate you. He might be working hard to save up for a ring, she
might actually hate him, or they might really want to be the next Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell, who knows? One things for sure, you don’t know, and you’re definitely making things more awkward, so again shut the he*l up.

Inappropriate Questions When You’re Engaged:

Question: Where’s my wedding invitation?

Often asked by:  Anyone you dislike.

Unless you have a close relationship with the bride and groom, and have specifically been told that you are invited to their wedding, keep this question to yourself. Yes, wedding invitation do get lost in the mail from time-to-time, but it really doesn’t happen that often. If you have to ask
for a wedding invitation, you probably are not invited. Save yourself, and the couple some embarrassment by doing the math on this one.

Inappropriate Questions When You’re Married:

Question: When are you going to have children?/ Why don’t you have children?

Often Asked By:  family, annoying co-workers, bored housewives, predatory strangers

This may come as a shocker to some of you soccer moms, but everyone does not like children. Or even for those who do like children, parenthood may not be the first priority in a couple’s life right now. There’s a thousand reasons as to why a married couple does not have children. When it comes down to it, the decision to have a child is made by two people, and you’re not one of them. Maybe she’s secretly been going through grueling fertility treatments, one of them can’t physically have children, or they don’t feel like they’re financially ready to procreate yet. This can be a really touchy subject, and your very stupid question could really upset them. These two people don’t have children, and unless they offer additional information up to you on the subject, they probably do not want to discuss it with you.